Parent guide
Setting limits with love: a guide for parents of toddlers
Last checked October 2026
Respectful parenting asks two things of you at once: hold a clear limit and stay warm while you hold it. Here is what that sounds like with a toddler and how our Playschool teachers do it every morning.
1. Saying no, kindly
You still say no. You say it calmly, from close by, without shaming your child.
Your child’s feelings are real even when the reason looks small to you, like the wrong colour cup or a broken biscuit. You can name the feeling and keep the limit at the same time.
2. What a limit set with love sounds like
Say your toddler is throwing toys. “Stop that right now or we’re going home” is a threat your child can’t connect to the toys. Try this instead: “I’m going to hold your hand. Toys aren’t for throwing. If you want to throw, let’s find a ball outside.”
The limit is clear. Your child learns where throwing is fine. Nobody is shamed.
3. Why toddlers test limits
Toddlers test limits to find out what is safe and what they can do on their own. A limit you hold the same way every time helps your child feel safe, even while they protest.
They push harder when they are tired, hungry or overwhelmed. Get down to their level, look at them and say what you see: “You’re really frustrated right now.” A few seconds of connection often ends a standoff before it starts.
4. Five things that help at home
Offer two choices you are happy with. “Blue hook or yellow hook for your bag?” gives your child a say without starting a fight.
Warn before a change. “In five minutes we’re going to tidy up” makes the change less of a shock.
Name the feeling and keep the limit. “You really want to keep playing. It’s hard to stop. It’s time to wash hands now. I’ll come with you.”
Stay close through big feelings. Sit with your child until the storm passes, instead of rushing to fix it.
Say the same thing every time. Toddlers learn limits by repetition, so agree with the other adults at home on the words you’ll use.
5. When you lose your patience
Everyone does. Respectful parenting includes repair. When you come back after shouting, say sorry and reconnect, your child learns that people can get it wrong, make it right and still love each other.
6. When to ask for help
Hitting, biting and pushing are common at this age. If it happens most days, hurts other children or worries you, talk to your child’s teacher. If you are worried about your child’s development or wellbeing, ask your paediatrician.
Words to try this week
- “I won’t let you hit. You can stomp your feet instead.”
- “You’re sad the park is closed. I’m right here.”
- “Two more slides, then shoes on.”
- “Do you want to walk or hop to the door?”
- “I shouted earlier. I’m sorry. Let’s try again.”
How we do this at Playschool
- You start in the room with your child, so you see this up close.
- Two of our own teachers lead every session.
- They get down to your child’s level, name what they see and redirect.
- They warn before each change of activity.
- In the sessions with drop-off, it starts only once your child trusts the teachers. More on the Playschool page.